| new |
[Aug. 24th, 2006|01:48 pm] |
new journal.
ktrat.
i've added you both as friends. now change it!!! |
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| oops |
[Jul. 27th, 2006|02:59 am] |
wow
guess i'ts not that crazy, and if i'd expected it it woudlnt have upset me as much
the guy i hooked up with last week, zane, i saw him agan tonight. i'm also drunk rihgt now. ok so thise guy
he was kinda ignorign me and so i felt kind of put-off, so we go over to the dominion. and then i go back to zaphods to find my drink and maybe to dance, and i see zane making out with some dude.
not that this is a really bizarre thing for a guy to do, it's just a little bit shocking when you thought he was into you, because just lats week he was into me. he gave off no kind of sign last week.
i mean i obvioudly support gayness and gey-typ[e people, OBVIOUSLY and for good reasons
it was just not what i had expected.
and fuckin laurence and nat both picked up tonight. although zane's wierdo friend wanted to dance with me. and we did. but he was wierd
and i saw savannah and laine and noah and some people.
oh well.
as lyndsy would say: "NEXT!!!" |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|08:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the sonics | ] |
after mod i walked home for some reason. i didnt feel like taking a cab i guess. as i walked down bank i had forgotten about the ambulance which had been across the street for a few hours. i only remembered after i, while walking looking at the groud and admiring my boots for their creepy guy deterrent qualities, proceded to almost slip on some unidentified slimy substance on the ground.
confused i look back to see what it was and i'm stopped in my tracks to discover it was actaully a pool of blood and what looked like gobs of flesh.
needless to say i felt slightly less comforted as i walked the rest of the way home.
went with my mom today to buy a dishwasher. oooh baby it was the height of my day, i'll tell you what.
also contiplating the bizarre proposition of liz and shamus.
i'm attracted to both of them, and definatly a few years ago i wouldnt have even stopped to think about it.
but now i'm doing some inner searching about weather or not i'm still into crazy stuff like that. part of me says yes. but the other part is confused and nervous.
my legs are sore from all that walking.
i finally washed those jeans. i didnt want to, but they were reallllly dusty and i was worrying a bit about mold. they had an odor, that i could only relate to the smell of moldy hay from the barn. so washed they are. i'm going to go try them on and see if they fit or fell apart in anymore places.
those are the reasons i didnt wash them for two years. |
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| ha ha |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|09:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | she's lost control | ] |
problem is, i actually liked him as a person, not just as a piece of meat
i want to see him again. why do i do this to myself? i kno better, and i think about it the whole time, but then for some reason i lose control of my ideas about what i really want and go too far
i was in a really wierd mood today.
i am wearing this jockey t shirt i got at value village, and it's the most comfortable thing i own, i should go find more of them. it makes me feel all fuzzy. maybe it's the weather and the events of last night but i'm definatly in a strange state right now.
doo doo doo doo
even though it's hot i really like the weather/atmosphere ouside right now.
mmmm
mm
m
kegger this weekend at laurence. never been to one before. bet it'll be kinda stupid. with fuckin yvonne being all drunken and slutty around v and pissing off a as usual. argh. at least now tom will keep her in line. maybe,
i hope zane comes to the party, i would like to talk to him about all of this.
it may sound silly but the worst part of it was when we were saying goodbye and i kissed him like a robot and he didnt ask me for my phone number.
I HATE THE PHONE NUMBER GAME!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2006|06:23 pm] |
"loosen' up my buns baby, but you keep frontin' baby"
i stumbled on some pussycat dolls video while channel surfing on this ridiculously hot day.
is it just me? or is that phrase really quite ridiculous? maybe i've got a particularly sick mind but... well i'm sure you get the just.
edit: oops, the name of this song, i just walked in to see, is "loosen up my buttons" or something. so buttons. not buns.
anyways..... |
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| i am no longer yeasty thanks to ridiculously expensive silly gooey things i stick in my |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|04:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  dirty | ] |
so wierdess upon wierdness
i've been in a foul mood these past few days. i think i'm really just sick of being treated like my parents are finally getting the chance to parent me like they had intended when i was 17-19 but i was too busy being insane during those years, and now that i've calmed down, now that i have dinner with them everyday, now that when i want to just relax at home and be alone, and now that i work with them 3 days a week, I'M SO SICK OF TALKING TO THEM AND LISTENING TO THEM AND THEIR OPINIONS OF HOW I SHOULD GO ABOUT MY LIFE
and in other news:
MY EX BOYFRIEND IS APPARANTLY CALLING ME TONIGHT FROM JAIL. to apologize.
TO APOLOGIZE???
FOR WHAT, PERSAY?
aww geez i'm not even going to go there.
i think, instead of getting that call, that i may just go out, buy myself some wine, and get drunk. that usually helps with bouts of depression and anxiety.
i dont like my new haircut. it wont behave. how come everytime i get it cut, she makes it look sooooo cool, but then when i try to re-create it, it just looks like poop? i wish hairdressers would just style yr hair to look lik it would if you were to try, and then help you learn how to make it better. FUCK
i am covered in tiny bits of sawdust. my bra is itchy. but thankfully, lower parts of me are no longer. whoo! |
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| those bitches and various crap |
[Jul. 1st, 2006|02:25 pm] |
ugh
this day is supposed to be reckless and fun
it'll probably be just like every other day, just with more drunk people and canada flags everywhere
i want to go have dim sum, but no one else does. andrea's supposed to come, but chances are they're still sleeping.
i'm bored
i want to go fishing, i want to go camping and fishing. i wish i had a boat, and my rod. i also wish that it wasnt softball, but the orignal dodgeball. i cant believe i gave my entire paycheque over to sweat in the sun on sundays. argh!
i want to get my tattoo. now!
as soon as im back in their circle, i'm dragged right back into the drama i've been avoiding. chances are i'll be included in the blame for their egging antics, as soon as she gets wind of my returned presesnce
gross to think about things i've learned, some friends are not what they seem. although if they seem like sluts to begin with, you're pretty blind not to notice.
ewwwwww
i want my hair cut.
those bitches last night didnt stand a chance. yesss i have glasses and i was wearing lime green socks with my garrison boots. is that how you want to provoke me? comments on my wardrobe? that isnt what peeved me, it was when she called me a bitch from across the bar. bitches like that in my bar. we really should have schooled them
but i dont want to be banned from my bar.
today is blah with a capital B
i get anxiety on days like this. i dont know what to do with myself on my first saturday off for months. sucks i just lose the hours though, there's no making this one up. fuck.
camping! fishing! i want my cottage back
drivers licsence, birth mother, community service hours, dog walking, nails to be stopping of eating, new bus pass, diet and excercise, fixing of bent glasses, money situation, everything else in my life that needs tending.
on a good ending note: andrea has my huge baby blue sparkly ring that i lost like 2 years ago! imagine that! best costume jewlery ever. and she's giving me a sweeet pair of cowboy boots. whoo! |
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| too tuff |
[Jun. 20th, 2006|05:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
so i guess i do officially have allergies.
man, allergies are for pussies.
i'm too tuff for allergies.
oh no! not the evil monster pollen! my arch enemy has over come my defenses!
aww geez.
this weekend was fun though, aside from the pollen. i wish i'd spent more time at the pow-wow, i feel like i'm learning stuff about my culture when i'm there. i should have gone back monday to help clean up
but instead i met up with lil katie and we went on a shopping bonanza.
on the way back to her place we were assaulted by the crazy summer storm, and almost killed when the tree outside her house was hit by lightning and broke a power line that went "BUZZZ BUZZZZ CRASH!"
ok so it wasnt that dramatic and we were not in any immediate danger, but it was pretty cool.
i have paint all over me. the non-washy kind. |
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| go forth and be productive! |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|12:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  listless | ] |
AHH
i have too much shit to think about right now
i have too much on my plate!
i want a vacation
i should get up right now and go do those things
but i feel sick... the possibility of allergies is very possible
wait, that didnt make too much sense.
fuckin poor kid got stabbed to death downtown. i read the article about it in today's citizen to see if they had anything
and doe, i'm sorry if you think i steriotyped the guy who did the stabbing, but i read that it was a guy named "T" and that guy once robbed jeff at knifepoint back in the day when he was selling downtown and took his cash and weed because jeff was on his crack turf. that guy controls the crack downtown. and under the underpass? so typical. man they even have video cameras there. that's so fucked. i hope they get that guy, he was a real criminal. i met him once with jeff. what a creep.
too much shit! not enough motivation! dontcha love it how i hide from everything??? whoo!
i'll go tomorrow all day. give up a day of work. i'm going to go call the humane society to see if christine is there, and we can talk. and i'll walk a doggie or two. if i was biking around all the time, or if i had a car, it would be so much easier to go down there...
i had hoped so much that they would just forget about my hours... but colleen called two days ago.
ack.
i should go at least do something else too, like get my earphones fixed
eugh i feel crappy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|06:26 pm] |
when you're in the throes of passion and a transformer figurine crashes down onto your head,
maybe it's time to learn to control your drinking problem. |
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| the story of my day |
[Jun. 11th, 2006|06:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the gossip | ] |
i wish my camera wasnt broken
last night i was planning on going out after eating dinner after i came home from work.
i called some people, nobody was doin much. vince said he'd call me "right back"
so i started reading the michael crighton that katie lent me.
it was before 9:30 when i passed out
vince called back at 11, with no real plans demanding i make the plans if i wanted to hang. so i hung up.
slept until 2, woke up again, went for a smoke, and slept until noon sunday. approximatly 13 hours sleep in total.
guess i was tired
i really like this band i have just started listening too, the gossip.
i realized how boring i am.
i have so many things to do, but no motivation. why is this the story of my life?
i organized my music today. and unloaded the dishwasher.
what great use of my only day off in two weeks.
this summer is going to fly by
i want fancy drinks |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2006|03:36 am] |
travelled morocco, from muscoka, good famil, photographer, great conversation, could have talked all night but i'm too tireed
boys boys boys eh doe?
tee hee. ate some yummy bagel from kettlemans, modnight dancing with great people.
whew!
nothing more to say.
sleep tight. |
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| barracuda |
[Jun. 4th, 2006|05:48 pm] |
so i thought i lost my ipod
instead it's at the cottage. it was left, by me, the idiot, on the porch. it may or may not be completely fucked from the rain this weekend
i also lost this week: my cd player, my turquoise ring, my bathing suit and 20 bucks.
isnt life a peach?
i'm also grumpy and having big talks with parental units about the state of my living arrangements.
i think it's time. or at least, it's very soon to the time.
i just cant be babied like this anymore. it's fuckin lame.
and so is this:
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2006|06:56 pm] |
if you didnt want to find the minute amount of pot i occasionally smoke, you shouldnt have looked through my drawers
drinking too much is bad, blacking out is worse. but then again, so is smoking crack
ha ha.
whatever. i've grown up. i dont smoke crack. i do get too drunk, i do black out sometimes. fuck you.
i have had one of the worst days in a very long time.
my bathing suit is lost forever, unless it's still at lyndsy's, but she'll never find it anyways.
why was i sick yesterday? adverse drinking reactions
so i say to my dad: sometimes i can't sleep, so i smoke a tiny bowl of pot on the back steps
so he says: we'll get you sleeping pills then
oh yah, like that's so much better.
fuck i hate getting angry about being told that i spend money like it\s going out of style and i drink too heavily
it just makes me want to go buy beer and get hosed.
FUCK YOU! |
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| amazingly, i'm not broke yet. |
[May. 29th, 2006|10:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the queers | ] |
just had to sit though a conversation i avoided all day.
i know i was irrisponsible and reckless last night. truth is, before i got in the cab i was in much better shape then when i finally made it home
wierdess
glad i'm old enough to say no
i have a bump on my head
and i lost my bathing suit. but it's going to be in the lost and found at the pool
i hope
man why do i always lose and break things so much?
my mother would say it's because i have a complete lack of respect for my possesions and disregard for property
my dad promised he would put in the air conditioner.
he didnt.
i want to go to the barbeque. but i wont. |
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| sunday morning coming down |
[May. 21st, 2006|11:13 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  relaxed | ] |
I just had an incredible dream
i was at this party with a bunch of people i know and have known. but it was unique in the respect that the people that i knew when i was 16 and no longer, remained the age from when i know them. anyhow i cant remember all of the details, but for sure there was a mystery afoot and i was some kind of spy, also, on a side note
i could walk through walls.
this was a most intersting feat, since i have had flying or floating dreams, as well as dreams of being able to move things around by waving my hands in their direction (i cant remember if that's telekenitic or something equally as difficult to spell)
but this was different.
it was also wierd in that i was flirting with some random guy who looked like someone from a tv show i saw a week ago or so, except younger and slightly better looking. but recognizible.
and then i went out to have a cigarette, came back in and saw julia a. kissing him. it was wierd, and then there was a strange conversation, and i'm pretty sure doe was there goading me on to say something about what a slutty thing that was to do, when i remebered that real julia is attached at the hip already, and then in my dream she pushed this guy down a flight of stairs.
freud i am not, but that's got to be something about cheating thrown in there. any how i was magnetic and i could walk through walls, and i was doing ultra-secret spy work, and then i would pass through a wall back into the party, have a beer, then back to spy work.
anyhow there's not really much more to it, but it was pretty cool.
last night's REAL party was fun. i'm glad all our people came. and the new peoples were really fun too though, and i did try talking with them, even though my terrible french gets worse by each beer
fuck and i lost my pot too. grrr.
dim sum for lunch with my parents. yum yum yum
i'm also going shoe shopping
and to this show tonight with doe that will be interesting either way
and tomorrow i'm gonna go see that silly movie about the book that may or may not be terrible.
yep. |
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| dumplings and assholes from school |
[May. 17th, 2006|05:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
WHEW!!!
okay so it turns out that there was an administrative error, and more than just me were sent rejection letters by the graphic design program, even though we really were accepted.
SCREW ADMINISTRATION PROBLEMS,
YOU JUST DONT FUCK WITH STUDENTS LIKE THAT
man someone's gonna catch some shit with that, as former class rep i consider it my duty to not let things like this pass without some form of recognition of their mistakes.
maybe like a hand written letter by the co-ordinator or the registrar's office saying "SORRY GUYS, WE'RE BIG ASSHOLES AND YOU ALL GET FREE TUITION AS A FORM OF APOLOGY FOR THIS RIDICULOUS STUNT THAT WE UNDERSTAND AFFECTED MANY OF YOU IN A NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL WAY. OOOPS!"
argh so dumb.
mmm. i'm having shepard's pie tonight. i miss that stuff
last night was fun, got drunk before 10 pm, played frisbee in the park conspictiously (sp?) in the glebe, brought me back to my youth. bike gangs and 15yr old idiots
NO IT'S NOT BANANA FLAVORED!
i crave dim-sum forever... AND NOW!
oh man this is getting out of control, i could eat dim sum till i 'splode!
or just until i'm bloated and can waddle around clutching my extended tummy groaning. |
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| acid reflux |
[May. 15th, 2006|02:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
my stomach is eating itself
i'm having a freak-out right now on account of that letter. bad things from mail.
and no one's around to answer my questions
i also have beer-gas and its yucky.
those people were tolerable on mute
i have stamps on both my hands
i dont want to go to work tomorrow, i want to crawl into a hole
THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY I DIDNT GET IN
ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH |
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| foods |
[May. 10th, 2006|05:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | dictators | ] |
after reading doe's post i cant get the charming yip yip melodies out of my brains.
i dont want to rake all that gravel. that is really going to suck. and wont it just fall down there by it's self eventually?
industrial night at zaphods is the best
especially when there's guys dancing next to you that dont know that you're actually making fun of them, and not just really into the music and not the makeup.
my mom's making ham and aspagagus lasagna. it's food of the gods
but on our way home from the cottage i saw some kids carrying pizza from fida's, the cheapest, greasiest, cardboardiest pizza in all the land(s) and i honestly could care less about gourmet food at this point.
something about pizza you've eaten your entire life and when a large costs less than 9 bucks, you cant help being obsenely attracted to it.
do you ever get specific food cravings? like not just chocolate and pickles, but something more along the lines of:
fidas pepperoni pizza, spring rolls from "the best chipwagon" on bank and arlington (this wouldnt be so bad if i didnt live on arlington for a few months and ate my body weight in them) nachos from the royal oak, onion rings from harveys, miso soup... etc.
oh man now i'm really hungry. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2006|05:46 pm] |
i am a lumpy glob
a lumpy glob of no motivation, uselessness and slobbery.
today was a beautiful day, i wanted to do something, really i did.
i called everyone i know.
it was so nice out, i should have at least gone for a walk or something equally as nice.
i told myself that i would go to the library, or for a bike ride.
at the very least, i would go walk dogs because i'm so behind in my community service hours.
but instead i slept until 2:30 and sat on my ass smoking cigarettes and doing nothing on the computer.
tomorrow i start my "new" summer job, working for my dad at our cottage.
i really think i need to do something other than sit around all summer.
get my license.
go on a trip (once i've saved some money)
get fit, or at the very least improve my eating habits and get out more (bike, walk etc)
maybe meet my birth mother. i've been thinking about it alot.
i did well in school, i think it's the right time.
i am the exact age that she was when she gave birth to me.
i might as well.
i really want to!
i'll also save some money and get myself that tattoo i've been dreaming of..
i dyed my hair dark brown.
i want to go to a movie!
or at least be able to rent some, i really wouldnt mind that... smoking some pot, watching some movies.
i want my fishing rod back, so i can go fishing.
i wish my friends wanted to see me as much as i want to see them.
life's too short to sit watching daytime tv and eating ravioli.
eugh sometimes i disgust myself with that kind of behavior.
rah. |
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